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Itchy's Top Ten Ways To Say 'I Love You'

My Last Rolo
Someone is making a whole load of money out of Rolo's old advertising campaign, and we salute them. This is one of the most pointless objects we've seen, but it's pretty funny. We'd probably rather have the chocolate, though.
www.iwantoneofthose.com
I Love You Toast Stamp
For those who want to make a wonderful breakfast in bed but can barely afford jam, let alone smoked salmon, it may be worth investing in one of these toast stamps. Not only is it inexpensive, but you will be able to enjoy the use of it year after year (if you dare).
www.giftshop.cancerresearchuk.org
Personalised Love Hearts Gift Set
Just in case your partner's not sweet enough, give the gift of a box of sugar. Delightfully shaped into pastel coloured retro goodies, each with a message of love. This gift set is even beautifully packaged and printed with the name of your loved one. Just be careful to spell it right.
www.lovehearts.com
Double Siamese Slanket
This year's runaway fad, the Slanket, doesn't have to be a solo activity. Treat yourselves to a Siamese Slanket and cuddle up next to each other under a big bit of fleece with arm holes in. Itchy have been experimenting and would suggest, though, that it is far more cosy to share a normal sized Slanket...
www.doubleslanket.co.uk
Monogamy Board Game
The description of this remarkably complex and high-quality game suggests that it will be the most fun you ever have as a couple. This is a little worrying, as we would hope any long term couple's most romantic night together shouldn't really involve a board game. We also think the title sounds a bit like a threat.
www.prezzybox.com
Mixa USB Mix Tape
Favoured by crushing teens and stalkers everywhere, there's nothing more telling than a mix tape. It will be received either as a touching token of love, or the final straw. Music tastes are so personal that it's all too easy to get it wrong. Good luck.
www.makeamixa.com
Hand Carved Postcard
This, like many Valentine's Day gifts, is fairly pointless, but at least it'll burn more spectacularly if you break up. You could, of course, just use an ordinary postcard or write a heartfelt letter, but if these ideas are just too low key for you, then go ahead and say it with wood.
www.needapresent.com/gifts/carve-your-own-card
Helium Balloons
A pretty standard option which looks good and takes less maintenance than flowers. Either buy giant letters to spell out your lover's name or choose a branded balloon for that impersonal touch. We favour High School Musical, but you may prefer Hannah Montana.
www.balloonmonkey.co.uk
Champagne
There are so many great reasons to choose champagne as your Valentine's Day gift. Firstly, it looks expensive. Secondly, you can buy a magnum so that you both feel like midgets. Thirdly, it will help you both to look back on the evening with a rose-tinted drunken haze, and the whole affair will be much more enjoyable after a bottle or two each.
www.sparklingdirect.co.uk

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